


Live in the present

by Ja_Levi



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Alcohol, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:00:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25671712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ja_Levi/pseuds/Ja_Levi
Summary: In which Murdoc needs to move forwards and let the past stay in the past.
Relationships: Murdoc Niccals/Stuart "2D" Pot
Kudos: 13





	Live in the present

TW: Alcohol, Crying, Swearing, Past Abuse, Past Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts.

2-D yawns quietly as he crawls off of the couch. He stretches his arms above his head, humming quietly as he makes his way to the kitchen, planning to grab a small snack for breakfast. As he steps into the kitchen a wave of rum washes over him. 2-D whimpers at the smell before he grimaces.

His eyes widen as he makes out a blurry green figure on the floor, blinking. He taps the figure with his foot before he yelps, cold yet sweaty fingers wrapping around his ankle. "Mhm, shut up with that yelping," a slurry voice demands. 2-D lets out a soft breath, realising it's just Murdoc.

The lead singer offers Murdoc his hand, helping the stumbling man up to his feet. "Mud, what happened? It smells like a bar in here." As soon as those words leave him 2-D hears a wince and a pathetically held back sob. "I'm sorry, I'll clean the kitchen and...and I'll get rid of the smell, Stuart."

A small frown pulls at 2-D's lips when Murdoc uses his real name. "Mud, what's wrong? Talk to me, buddy." The concern in his voice must trigger something inside of his friend because before he knows it he's being pushed away. His hip knocks against the kitchen counter and he grunts.

Gruff sobbing fills his ears and he reaches out to Murdoc, who is currently hunching over, holding his arms to his chest. "Stop being so concerned about me! I'm not a good person, so leave me alone!" Murdoc snaps, digging his nails into his green skin. He blinks as hot tears roll down his cheeks. Murdoc swallows heavily before he starts to notice that he's shaking.

His eyes close tightly when he hears 2-D sigh. "Mud, I know that you weren't a good person, but you're getting better. I'm not going to lie and say that you're wonderful yet, but you're trying. Pushing me away will not help you."

The Satanist only sniffles as he tries to keep himself held together. "I'm a fucking horrible person, Stuart. I'm sodding disgusting. Do you not remember what I've done to you? Has your brain damage gotten that bad? Do you need a reminder?" The last question is asked as a broken yell.

2-D clenches his fist tightly, gritting his teeth together. "No, I haven't fucking forgotten! I haven't forgotten each time you hit me, screamed at me, made me fear you! However I'm completely aware that you in the present are not to blame for what you in the past did! Why do you believe that you should be hated? Are you that guilty? Would it make you feel better if I told you that I forgive you?"

"No! Because I have to be punished! I have to be...to be corrected and hurt. I have to be, I just have to be! I need to be tormented and ruined, and broken down into pieces just so that the evil inside of me leaves! I don't want to be an angel, I don't want to be lovely and over polite, I crave the evil flame inside my heart yet I don't....I don't want to hurt you anymore..."

Murdoc leans against the fridge, feeling his shoulders trembling. A calm voice makes his heart grow from an angry thumpthump to a scared thump...thump. "You won't. I trust you." A weak sob leaves his throat. "Stua-"

2-D moves slowly closer, placing a hand onto Murdoc's shoulder, his thumb tracing a faded scar from a self inflicted stab wound. "Don't. Just call me what you always call me. We both know that we mean too much to each other for formalities. We have too much history to go back to step one. I want you to listen to me, Mud. I trust you completely. Surely you know that I want you to be close to me. You need to let yourself accept your past behaviour and move forward."

The lead singer watches with a gentle face as Murdoc seems to calm down when 2-D strokes his scar again. "Dee...I just...I hate myself too much to be close to you. Fuck, Dee, I don't want to hurt you again. How can you trust me? You should...you should want to kill me for what I've done. I know that I do."

Murdoc's words don't surprise 2-D, and that's what makes his heart hurt the most. He wraps his arms around the older male, pulling him into a gentle hug. The smell of rum definitely makes 2-D flinch but he ignores it for now. "Mud, promise me that you'll try and talk to me. Stop fighting all of this by yourself. I'm here to help. I want you to live. I'm going to help you live."

2-D can't help but cradle Murdoc as Murdoc weeps into his chest, saying and then repeating the words 'I promise.' "It's okay, it's okay. I'll get you through this." Murdoc just keeps repeating those two words, letting 2-D hold him. He doesn't deserve this. He really doesn't, but 2-D makes him feel like he does.

2-D makes him want to live in the moment. In the minute. In 2-D's arms. In the present.


End file.
